Incisive, Scintillating, Intellectual, "Lightning" Reviews of New Movies

[hawk5ins]

I wouldn't argue that Seagal's movies for a few years after Above the Law, were not popular or financial successes. I just think everything he did SINCE Above the Law sucked terrribly.

Under Siege was probably his second best movie, And I thought Under Siege II was it's equal.

Compared to Above the Law, they were terrible movies. Compared to the Other Seagal movies, they didn't suck as bad, I guess.

I'll give those two movies something I wouldn't the rest of Seagal movies (other then Above the Law).....when I'm flicking through the stations and either of those two movies are on, I won't race myself to see how fast I can click to the next station. If the mood strikes me just so, I may even watch a bit of each until I ultimately fall asleep.

Or at least until the Erika Eleiniak Birth Day Cake scene goes by.

Hawk

[TKO11]

Yup. Nothing like a groggy, half naked blond. I spent most of my university years searching for them.

Speaking of reviewing movies, I saw Tarantino's "Death Proof" a couple of days ago. Is this guy TRYING to make worse and worse movies? Reservoir Dogs was great, Pulp Fiction his apex, Jackie Brown was very good. Then the Kill Bill movies, which while not horrid were a major backward step (I don't regret seeing them, but will never watch them again either). During "Death Proof" I spent the ENTIRE movie wondering when anything interesting was going to happen. About 1 hour in it got interesting for about 3 minutes.... than faded out again. The second half was a lot better than the first, but still slow as hell. Only the last 15 minutes was really grabbing. But I had to sit through an hour and forty minutes of tedium to get to it.

He can do a lot better. I wish he'd try.

[Phillyfan]

saw "the condemned" on dvd lst night. an entertaining movie, sort of like a 2007 running man. stone cold steve austin does a decent job. glad I didn't pay 10$ at the theater, but not bad for a rental.

[hawk5ins]

"Yup. Nothing like a groggy, half naked blond. I spent most of my university years searching for them."

Campus Security spent 3 days trying to find my suite-mate in college after HE did find a groggy half naked blond.

Try and guess how much fun it is knowing a friend of yours is wanted for and guilty of rape? In 1984, the term date rape was not invented yet to my knowledge. It went from Sexual Assualt, to Rape to Kidnapping and forcebale rape.

He got booted from school there was a trial. The two parties ended doing a settlement and we never heard from him agian.

She was actually attending college at a school 20 miles away. Never heard if she stuck it out or what. I do know HER school ended up hating MY school even more because of it. What had been a heated sports rivalry between "Power House" Div III NAIA schools.....well it Got a tad ugly.

What a flipping nightmare the whole thing was.

And no. No one handed any of us in the the suite a free 4.0 for the semester.

Hawk

[DscribeDC]

Hawk:

The 4.0 was for students whose roommates committed suicide.

I never heard of a courtesy 4.0 for roommates of rapists...That might send the wrong message...

[hawk5ins]

Of Course I had never even heard of such a thing about the suicide angle of this until several years after college. Then agian, we never had a suicide on campus when I was in college.

Unless you consider, taking 6 courses during your final semester of college, so you can have enough credits to graduate with your class on time becuase you failed to do a simple calculation throughout your first 3 years of school, analogous to suicide.

Well, yours truly did and he survived. And pulled off a sweet GPA that semester.

And still managed to make a drunken fool of myself at least 3 nights a week.

Now that is multi-tasking!

Hawk

[Phillyfan]

Black Dahlia
"see how acclaimed director Brian depalma brings his unique and shocking visual style to the film"

brian depalma is the worst director in hollywood. I'd take an ed wood film over his anyday. His stupid slow panoramic shots make you seasick for 1/2 the movie. The characters speak in inaudible whispers. I've got the volume on max and can barely hear most of this. The storyline is a confusing jumble. If you liked mulders inane ramblings to himself in x-files, you'll like this. most of the story is josh hartnett talking to himself. again, turn the damn volume way up if you expect to hear anything.

[Phillyfan]

"Letters from Iwo Jima" and "Flags of Our Fathers"
2 movies that go hand in hand. well done, but i liked the documentary on the flag raising at iwo Jima much better. Not bad for rentals, but be prepared to feel like you felt when John Wayne told hamchunk that peterson was dead in Green berets. The movies pretty much leave you feeling depressed.

[Phillyfan]

and another thing about black dahlia, who sponsored this? Philip Morris? Every characted smokes in this picture. Sometimes you get the feeling its a movie about cigarette smoking and the many ways you can dispose of cigarette butts. depalma...sheeesh..

[Phillyfan]

" Doctor strange"
Yes, the marvel superhero has his own movie out. Once again, nice job by marvel. Fun to watch and action packed as only a cartoon can be. I also enjoyed the interview with stan lee in the extras. I thought it was hilarious how he explained how he came up with some of Doctor stanges incantations. Great artwork that really catches your eye and lets your imagination go.

[TKO11]

I liked DePalma's "Body Double", but that was over 20 years ago. I agree that other than that one flick, he pretty much sucks.

[DscribeDC]

I watched about the first :30 of Black Dahlia. I thought it was supposed to be about a starlet's murder, but all it was was a buddy film about a couple of boxer/cops. I kept thinking "is DePalma ever going to get ON with it and tell this bloody tale?"

[DscribeDC]

Best lightning movie review of all time: David Spade on Scorsese's "Casino":
"Ca-seen-it!"

[Phillyfan]

Evan Allmighty
so damn good i might even buy this one. carell=hilarious

[Phillyfan]

finally saw spiderman 3. not as good as the reviews said it was. glad i didn't see it in the theater, 2 hrs was slow going , would have been a lot worse in theater seats. could have used more action and less soap opera.

[PeteLeo]

MR. BROOKS

Decent try by Costner to put a new spin on the serial killer genre, but nothing special.

SPOILERS FOLLOW!













The most annoying part was yet another set of maddog killers who couldn't hit the Goodyear blimp with a shotgun. The "Hangman" psycho and his moll come across SuperChickCop Demi Moore maybe fifteen feet down the hall from them, her back turned, no gun drawn, not expecting any dangerous encounter of any kind . . . but they blast away at her for ten freaking minutes without scoring one hit? Come on, man! If that alleged badman with weapons was that lousy a shot, he certainly would have missed his girlfriend's head and then his own in the murder/suicide segment, even with the pistol pressed firmly against cranium.

Second most annoying part came with yet another false-ending-dream. When little Panabaker plunged the scissors into Daddy's throat and made a shishkabob of him, I immediately sighed, "False-ending-dream." It would have been so much cooler if she had really killed him and then William Hurt appeared in the room and smoothly morphed into a female demon familiar, thus certifying the fact that the serial killing curse had been passed on to the daughter.

But, overall it wasn't as bad as most of Costner's movies have turned out. Of course, it wasn't particularly good, either. PeteLeo.

[Phillyfan]

The Covenant.
what a disappointment. romeo and juliet meet the lost boys. only action is fight in last 5 minutes. BORING!! good special effects wasted on boring story.

[diggity]

Dreadfully terrible. Being a big fan of Underworld, I was equally as disappointed but I kind of expected it.

[DscribeDC]

I loved that James Bond movie where the North Koreans were going to use a space laser to burn a path through the DMZ to invade South Korea.

If you had a giant space laser, wouldn't you just turn it on your enemy and burn HIM? This did not occur to the baddies. Or the screenwriters.

[Phillyfan]

"Click"
a poor mans "its a wonderful life". I like sandler so its worth a rental. plus its got kate beckinsale.....

[PeteLeo]

I loved that James Bond movie where the North Koreans were going to use a space laser to burn a path through the DMZ to invade South Korea.

If you had a giant space laser, wouldn't you just turn it on your enemy and burn HIM? This did not occur to the baddies. Or the screenwriters.

Then again, if you had "Bond, James Bond" securely strapped to a table in the path of a laser that was just about to flash-fry his naughty bits and bisect what was left of him, why would you conveniently leave the room at the moment of your ultimate triumph and allow him to cunningly escape?

Maybe there's some sort of arcane laser protocol in BondWorld that we lesser mortals aren't privvy to? PeteLeo.

[Enswell]

Saw "The Mist" the other day. Loved the novella, but give the movie only two stars, mostly because the social commentary was applied with a shovel.

[hawk5ins]

And elsewhere, the issues that viewers have had with the Movie The Departed.

Mostly I hear that it is too similar to Good Fellas. In essence, becuase BOTH are Mob Movies and BOTH were directed by Scorsese.

I actually love BOTH movies and have yet to find myself watching the Departed with the voice in the back of my head going "Seen it!"

If there are those who have issues with the film and it's similarities, can I get an elaboration?

Much appreciated.

Hawk

[DscribeDC]

The clone of GOODFELLAS was CASINO, not THE DEPARTED.

[hawk5ins]

I would have few issues with.

Hawk

[Phillyfan]

Man of the House,
tommy lee jones as a texas ranger who has to babysit a group of college cheerleaders who witnessed a murder.
pretty much a waste of time. worth one or 2 laughs if you have 1 1/2 hrs to kill or if you like tommy lee jones in his typical unsmiling law man role.

[DscribeDC]

Didn't expect to enjoy either SUPERBAD or KNOCKED UP, but liked both: SUPERBAD primarily for the Seth Rogen/Bill Hader crazy cop characters; KNOCKED UP because it was a pretty honest look at two mixed-up characters who come to an understanding and forge a relationship against all odds.

[PeteLeo]

WALK HARD -- THE DEWEY COX STORY

Not very good.
It just seems wrong to me to make fun of the real tragedy that took the life of Johnny Cash's brother. Sort of like when the slimy Rush Limbaugh made fun of the sidewalk collapse that killed a little boy in New York some years ago.

And that is absolutely the worst, most repulsive poster I've ever seen attached to a new film. (I know it's a hit on the Kilmer-as-Morrison poster for THE DOORS, but it's still fucking ugly.) PeteLeo.

[diggity]

Loved Superbad & Knocked Up. Seth Rogan may be the next Adam Sandler. Even better was to know that Superbad was loosely based on him & his best friend from highschool. The McLovin stuff redeemed whatever shortcomings the movie had.

I caught I Am Legend last week.
A decent movie as Will Smith tends to sniff out but blockbuster breaking? Nope.

[Phillyfan]

Just saw an advertisement for the movie 'Untraceable" Looks pretty damn good. From the preview, guy kidnaps some person and hooks an IV with poison up to them with a regulator. If you log onto his website to see it, the regulator pushes more poison into the victims blood. When word gets out, more and more morbid people log in to the website to see victim after victim die, and they are partly responsible.
I am also going to catch alien vs predater this week.