May 6, 2000
My Review of KO Nation
DscribeDC: Yo, yo, yo....Everybody say hooooooooo....Throw ya hands in tha air! Wave 'em like ya just don't care! If you're feelin' just a little stoopid, everybody yell 'Hell, yeah'!....
That shoulda never gotten out the station
Runway, fancy intros
And a hokey set
Streamin' chatter from the chatters typin' on the Net
Goin' after hip-hop kids and Lara Croft admirers
Take a classic format
And grind it into mince
Seth Abraham, ya ain't no Vince...
HBO is trying
To confuse the fans
Ed Lover should be asking
Himself "Who's Da Man?"
Who first foresaw
Crossing the Ring and "Raw"?
The Thrilla in Manilla
Dressed like Rocky IV?
Fly girls don't please me
Shakin' stuff around the ring
Like Sherman Hemsley's Weezy
They need double the Haseem
And about half the Prince
Seth Abraham, ya ain't no Vince...
DscribeDC: And now, some thoughts from a member of the Dscribe Riddim Posse, Dub Professor Remote Control...Take it away, mon...
Let's give the fighters jus' a little dig-ni-ty
No more gy-ra-tions from our girl Maria D.
Or exhibitions of turntable mas-ter-y
No action figures underneath de Christ-mas tree
Leave pyrotechnics for McMahon and Teddy T.
Don't kill a dying sport wit' market stra-te-gy
The fights were quite amazing
But the show was lame
Tell Ross Greenburg you preferred it When
It Was a Game
Two hungry fighters in a war is good enough for me
Ric Flair can wear the sequins
De La Hoya would look dumb in chintz
Seth Abraham, ya ain't no Vince...
KO Nation--- a Total Abomination
By Joe Bruno---Former Vice President of the New York Boxing Writers Association and the International Boxing Writers Association
There is no excuse for the profane production of HBOís new monthly Saturday afternoon boxing KO Nation, that is unless Larry Flint, or Hugh Heffner was the producer. Where is the Legion of Decency when we really need them?
But no Mr. Bill, Ross Greenburg, not Al Goldstein, was listed as the executive producer of KO Nation, and this question begs to be asked, ďWhat in the names of Marilyn Chambers and Linda Lovelace, was Ross Greenburg thinking?Ē
The whole boxing production, which was supposed to support a fine card fight headed by Paul Spadafora defending his IBF lightweight title against Mike Griffith, was one mouth-dropping, insult to the senses after another.
Rapper Mike Lover was the MC for this disgrace, which showcased writhing dancing girls, their boobs and butts shaking like freshly made jello, and their bodies bouncing to rap music mostly destined to make your hair muscles hurt. Not to mention round card girls slithering and snaking their carcasses like they were trying to entice poor Adam to eat that darn apple.
This was not supposed to be some late-night slut and slime show on cable TV that promiscuous perverts and lewd lechers use to build up their wrist muscles. This was a Saturday afternoon show where kids of all ages can tune into, their parents expecting a G rated show. As if boxing isnít in the toilet enough in the minds of most people, now parents have to worry if Little Johnny might get impure thoughts watching the rebirth, and regurgitation of weekend daytime boxing bouts.
The argument against my rant is that times have changed and what was once unacceptable, is now commonplace, and in fact expected by the masses. To that I say, fiddlesticks and golly gee I hope youíre wrong.
The bottom line is that boxing has now talking the cue from wrestling and has decided anything goes as long as the money keeps on rolling in. Itís time for respectable people and all parents to fight back. A few hundred thousand canceled HBO subscriptions may be a start to get knuckleheads like Ross ďThe RogueĒ Greenburg and his boss Seth ďThe Debauching ShrimpĒ Abraham into the right-minded way of thinking.
If this disgrace called KO Nation takes off with favorable ratings, that tells us more about our society than righteous people want to know. Call your cable companies immediately. Tell them that HBO is now showcasing daytime material not suitable for daytime TV watchers. Tell them smut is smut, no matter how hard you trying to disguise it in the squared ring, which once was the domain of the quasi-legitimate sport called boxing.
by Lucius Shephard (Former winner of the 8th Grade History Medal at Seabreeze Jr. High)
Oh my Gawd! Itís an abomination aginst the Lord! Avert your eyes and
squeeze your legs together, Maude! Thereís writhing dancing girls and
savage music! The countryís going to hell! Donít look at the TV, or
your moral core will be preverted....
Man, reading these outraged reactions to the debut of KO Nation is like
listening to a couple of old spinsters offended by the sight of their
first suffragette. Come on, people. Get a little perspective here.
Ever watch MTV? Or some of Prince Hamedís more colorful British
entrances? Ever see a super-jiggly ring girl wearing (Shudder! Gasp!)
a thong? To compare KO Nationís puny attempt at trendiness to these
impure excesses is tantamount to suggesting that those naughty
song-and-dance numbers featuring Annette on the old Mickey Mouse Club
were suitable material for the Playboy Channel.
Of course I agree that boxing, the purest and most morally correct of
all sports, should be held only in basilicas, with attendance limited to
penitents, pilgrims, and celibate priests, and the rites should be
performed in dignified silence with perhaps an occasional touch of
Handel or Bach. Letís ignore the fact that the history of boxing is
fraught with illegitmate and fraudulent and sleazy promotions, with
criminal brutality and corruption. Letís forget that many of the
sportís biggest cards are put on in Las Vegas, in casino venues all
around the country, places where sex and drugs and rock and roll are a
natural functtion of the environment, and then letís get all bent out of
shape because Seth Abraham and Co. used a dumbass framing device to hype
a couple of decent fights. Sure, it looked stupid, and it probably
wonít do much for interest in the sport overall...though I have to say
that was a pretty impressive crowd. But instead of carping and wailing
about what amounts to less a spiritual insult than a display of bad
taste, maybe the moral arbiters among us should direct their
considerable energies toward addressing the real problems facing the
fight game. If they donít care for KO Nation, maybe instead of waxing
evangelical and proclaiming the advent of the end-times, they can do
something useful--like come up with an alternative method of
popularizing the sport among the natiionís youth, a method more in
keeping with their take on the Judao-Christian ethic. But then that
would entail a bit more creativity than does knee-jerk polemic.
I consider myself a boxing purist. I prefer Jimmy Lennon Jr. to
Michael Buffer, the Blue Horizon to Casino Magic, neighborhood taverns
to yuppie sports bars, Don Dumphy to any of the recent chatterbox
announcers, Joe Louis (or even Hedgemon Lewis) to Lennox. Iíll drive
over to Salinas or Castroville to watch a couple of good young
lightweights in training rather than paying 50 bucks or thereabouts to
see some of the dancing bears that pass for heavyweights nowadays. Iíd
much rather watch televized bouts without any bells and whistles, but if
a dose of glitz and rap music will help build an audience for the sport
I love, hey, Iím all for it.
If KO Nation really constitutes an insult to your morality, if it makes
you fumble for the olí rosary and causes your eyes to drift toward the
flag, if you truly feel that this petty symptom of commercialism is more
a threat to the American Way than drugs, guns, and a populace
disaffected by and distanced from a political process grown increasingly
self-serving and indifferent to their needs, then here's an idea:
Turn off your freaking TV.