December 21, 1999
Bruno on Boxing
By Joe Bruno--Former Vice President of the Boxing Writers Association and the
International Boxing Writers Association
So's whoís been naughty and who's been nice in boxing the past year? Santa
has been keeping track and intends on delivering these well deserved
Christmas presents early Christmas morning. Here's what some boxing people
can expect in their stockings:
Oscar De la hoya - From NY Daily News Boxing Scribe Mike "Wolfman" Katz---
Emeril Liveís Chicken Cookbook.
Bob Arum - From Don King - A lifetime supply of reversible return bout
Don King - From Bob Arum - Coal.
Boxing Photojournalist Mary Ann Owen -- A large assault settlement check from
Mike Tyson - A one way ticket to London, England and a copy of the
Declaration of Independence.
Julius Francis - A one-way ticket to the United States before Mike Tyson gets
Roy Jones - A heart.
HBO Honcho Seth "The Shrimp" Abraham -- A set of Adlerís Elevator Shoes, and
Mike Lupica - Adlerís Elevator Shoes and Seth Abrahamís life.
Evander Holyfield - A paid lifetime AARP (American Association of Retired
People) membership card.
Lennox Lewis - A trip to Las Vegas so he can finally take a chance.
Felix Trinidad - A muzzle for his father.
Prince Naseem Hamed - A muzzle for himself.
George Foreman - A year supply of Big Macs, made on his own grill, of course.
Ferdie Pacheco - A case of lip balm so he can keep kissing Don Kingís butt.
Randy Gordon - A job.
Teddy Atlas - A more visible TV boxing colorman gig.
Max Kellerman - A set of handcuffs so Teddy Atlas has to take Max with him.
Bert Sugar - A twelve pack of multicolored hats and a yearís supply of
Ike Ibeabuchi - Home detention and a subscription to the Playboy Channel.
Tony Ayala - (See Ike Ibeabuchi)
Bob Lee - Johnnie Cochoranís phone number.
Dariusz Michalczewski - An easier name to spell and Roy Jonesí address.
Margaret MacGregor - An all expenses paid trip to the beauty parlor.
Larry Hazzard - The worldís largest list of excuses (as if he doesnít have
Jose Sulaiman - A wand so he can make himself disappear.
Larry Holmes - A Maidenform Bra.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. - A brain.
Bobby Czyz - A vegetarian cookbook.
Harold Lederman - A voice synthesizer.
Julio Cesar Chavez - A fight with Kostya Tszyu and a plastic surgeon.
Michael Grant - David Tuaís punch.
David Tua - Michael Grantís height.
ny Tapia - Half a brain to match the other half he already has.
Hector Camacho Sr. - A Joseph Abboud suit
Hector Camacho Jr. - His fatherís talent.
Fernando Vargas - The boxing ability to match his mouth, and a better barber.
Paul Spadafora - The recognition he deserves.
Senator John McCain - The Presidency.
Johnny Bos - A win for his fighter Joey Gamache against Arturo Gatti in
February at Madison Square Garden.
Dan Goossen - A ton of crazy glue so he can attach himself permanently to
other peopleís money.
Michael Moorerís grandfather - A blowtorch so he can burn down the family
South Carolina Athletic Commission - A permanent suspension for allowing
Stephan Johnson to fight there in spite of the fact Johnson was under
suspension In the far away country of Canada.
Tommy Morrison - A bicycle.
Oliver McCall - A case of Valium.
Larry Merchant - A blow away wig.
Jim Lampley - A boxing rule book.
Jim Gray - The desire to badger Don King the way he did Pete Rose.
The Cuban Boxing Team - A truck load of crying towels.
Lou Duva - Johnny Deppís face.
Jimmy Lennon Jr. - A seat in a soundproof room with Howard Cosellís voice
being constantly piped in.
To all CBZ Readers - No more pay-per-view fights and a Happy Holiday Season!!